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How to Use Your Pain to Build Success

how to use your pain to build success
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7 min read

You may already know how easy it is to throw pity parties and to use your painful experiences as reasons to refrain from reaching your full potential, but it’s time to flip the script. Below is a guide on how to use those same painful experiences to build success.



When you see the word “success” you may automatically think money. While financial gain is one explanation of success, it isn’t the only explanation. In fact, if you are better in any way that you desired to be, that is considered a success.

Reaching a weight loss goal makes you successful.

Gaining control of your emotions makes you successful.

Graduating from school makes you successful.

Making amends with a loved one makes you successful.



To eliminate the thought that this article is being insensitive in any way about your situation, let me first say that I understand. Pushing past your pain is extremely difficult to do, but it is possible.


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Were you molested as a child? Were you raped as a teen? Were you drugged as an adult? Were you lied on? Cheated on? Talked about? Mistreated? Misunderstood? At a disadvantage? Ridiculed? Pushed away? Outcasted? Broken-hearted?


Guess what…every thing listed above happened to me, and I am still a well-rounded, physically and mentally healthy, loved and supported, business owning, talented, skilled, successful woman today. I know that you can do this, because I did it. I continue to do it daily.


So let’s get into it!


How To Use Your Pain To Build Success

You should know that whatever you have gone through is not exclusive to you. What I mean is that there are plenty of other people around the world who have been through something similar, if not the same thing. Most people don’t share their stories though. Instead, they continue to allow those experiences to haunt them, affect their present lives, and hold them back from achieving anything greater.


I guarantee there is something to be learned from every negative experience you’ve had. AND if you have learned something, it is your responsibility to share what you’ve been through and what you’ve learned so that you can help someone else on their journey.


There are people all over the planet who feel alone. They believe that they are the only ones who have ever experienced painful situations. They believe that life has been unkind and unfair to them, and their experiences have conditioned them to be afraid to try to reach for anything positive.


Do you see yourself in any of those descriptions? Have you felt helpless as a result of going through a negative experience?


Think about this. You WENT THROUGH those experiences. Those things happened (past tense), but you are still here. There is a reason that you are still here. There is a reason that you made it through those experiences. The reason is that you were chosen to grow stronger, elevate your thinking, and to use your experiences to help someone else.


Take the dirt that was thrown on you throughout your life, pack it underneath your feet, and use it as a stepping stone to rise.


Here are some steps you can take to build success from your painful experiences.



Whatever has happened indeed happened and there is no denying it. Your pain is not discounted by any means. It’s just important for you to feel it, understand it, learn from it, and decide to move passed it.



You cannot speak about your past with a genuinely positive attitude or use it to help other people, if you have not healed from it first. Commit to healing from your past. Adopt healthy activities that aid in the healing process, such as journaling, speaking with a professional therapist, joining a support group, etc.


If your past hurt involves another person, know this; it is easier to go to someone to ask for forgiveness than it is to go to someone to ask for an apology for hurting you or for contributing to your hurt. I said that to say this…Your healing process can continue even without receiving an apology from someone who hurt you. So, don’t dwell on what another person does or doesn’t do.



Usually, your biggest challenges in life are tied to a greater purpose. Your experiences may have revealed an opportunity to create something that will be of help to others. This may come in the form of a product, a program, a service, etc. You don’t have to turn your pain into a business, but you should pay attention to the passion you may have that is connected to your pain. You should also consider the possibility of using your experience to serve others.


Your story does NOT belong to you. Don’t hold it in. Don’t be ashamed of it. Don’t deny others their help and healing. Every person on the planet is connected, and we learn from each other. We are sparked into action by one another.


Your story may be the very thing that someone somewhere is waiting for to be able to live his/her best life. Your voice may be the voice that causes a person to have an aha moment and to take that information and run with it. Write it down, put it in a video, talk about it on a podcast, publish a book…just don’t keep it to yourself.


In one of the lyrics in Mali Music’s “Little Lady” the songwriter says:

In our youth we had hopes too,

But some heroes never ever appear



This is not only a beautiful lyric, but it is also very true. When you are not on your job (of serving others), you are hindering other people from realizing their dreams and living their best lives. Success has a domino effect. When you learn, elevate, and serve your purpose, you trigger someone else to do the same, and so on.
Be the hero that appears for the next person.


Are you willing to push past your pain and use it to build personal success?

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Founder & CEO at , Write Mind

Author of The Mask and Creator of The Write Mind Studio

Andriea Denise is an author, educator, and entrepreneur. She is the founder of The Write Mind Studio, and passionate about helping people to become the best versions of themselves and to live the lives they actively create.

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